Miss Congeniality (2000) Review

It’s been twenty years since the first movie and now because of this Covid-19 crisis a lot of people are starting to go into quarantine. Many people will be indoors which may be a good thing because you’ll get more posts to read! This year will be the 20th anniversary for one of my favourite films: Miss Congeniality.

The film is about an FBI agent called Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock). She has to go undercover at a beauty pageant to thwart a terrorist plot and discovers inner beauty along the way. It’s got the makeover of turning a semi-decent looking woman into a goddess like many other romcoms. This film does it splendidly well. As well as getting a sense of self-validation, she gains respect for herself. Also she scores Benjamin Bratt.

It’s a timeless classic and you could watch it repeatedly without getting bored. The catchy soundtrack and funny sarcastic quips make this feel like a modern day film. Sandra Bullock is awesome as Gracie Hart and looks awesome. The entire makeover scene is amazing and this film is absolutely feminist. This pageant isn’t about pretty faces, it’s about showcasing talent and gaining scholarships. Women are helping women in the pageant and aren’t sabotaging each other.

Apart from the director of the Miss United States and Gracie manages take her down. Gracie realises she has inner beauty and best friends that have her back. It is an uplifting movie with funny moments. The sequel isn’t that good but I definitely recommend this film. Honestly I really enjoy this film and it is well made.

Dracula (General Review)

Sherlock was a big fat disappointment. It was poorly written and it was unsatisfying end to beloved characters. So they are the creators of this new series. Featuring yet another beloved villain/character Dracula, based on a book. I admit, I didn’t know about that till watching the opening credits for this show and it was interesting to watch. Enjoyable and probably iconic.

The plot differs each episode. The series has three episodes so it is an easy watch. An hour and a half long episode which is enough to get a lot of content and plot.

Episode One: The Rules of the Beast. The opening follows the novel closely. (Read the opening before the show) Jonathan Harker travels to Transylvania to help Count Dracula with some property acquirement. His host is this old man who seemingly starts to grow younger each night while Harker grows more delirious and ill. Things change as Harker is recounting this story in a nunnery. He looks deathly and turns out Dracula has been drinking his blood. He’s transformed Harker into a vampire and taken him as his bride which took me by surprise. You’d expect Dracula to have a female bride but actually he doesn’t care about gender. He cares about blood which I loved. Dracula is essentially just a predator hungry for blood. Taking it from any gender as sustenance. Savouring it from certain interesting people. ‘A blood connoisseur’ he claims himself to be. Distinguishing himself from animals. The episode introduces us to Agatha Van Helsing. Not Abraham. This gender reversal was well done because Agatha is a smart nun not compelled by religion but rationality. A human that’s fascinated by the unknown and wanting to seek knowledge and not this sexy badass monster hunter. It was a refreshing portrayal of Van Helsing. This episode is one of my absolute favourites. It’s iconic, especially when Dracula arrives at the convent in the form a wolf. Coming out of that wolf was a gruesome awesome scene. Then parading naked in front of the nuns was just the cherry on top. This whole scene is worth watching over and over and it made me understand Dracula. He’s sexy and dangerous. You know he’s bad but you want to embrace that danger and he knows that. Also knowing the wolf scene was not CG but puppetry heightened my experience of the show. I absolutely loved this episode.

Episode Two: Blood Vessel. This episode felt like a murder mystery except we knew who the killer was. It shows Dracula planning to go to England on the Demeter ship. This episode was okay and felt like a slightly less version of episode one. With the Demeter crew seeking refuge in a bible circle. We learnt more about Dracula and how he consumes blood. Choosing his victims and acquiring their attributes to help him further in society. The characterisation was decently strong and I did want characters alive yet dead.

Episode Three: The Dark Compass. This episode derives further from the novel. It brings Dracula to the 21st century as he’s made it to England. 123 years later. In that time, women’s rights have gone up and the Harker Institute has been created to experiment on Dracula. This was an interesting plot and I would love to have gotten to know the institute’s motives more. What are they trying to know when experimenting on Dracula? Dracula seems to thrive in the modern world and enjoys TVs and Tinder. The third episode had a controversial ending which I personally think is unique. It challenges Dracula’s ‘curses’ and shows us the real reason why these ‘curses’ and ‘tropes’ exist.

So the general consensus for me is that the actor, Claes Bang, does a terrific job at Dracula. There’s not much sex in the show and it highlighted Dracula’s animosity. The novel and previous films focused on Dracula as an alluring sexual figure when in actual fact he’s an animalistic monster. It is a fascinating new take on Dracula and one I look forward to seeing in a possible season 2. I do recommend this show, especially for episode one. I want to know more about the Harker Institute and the undead people. Hopefully Netflix gets this series to us by next year.

The Witcher, Character: Yennefer Of Vengerberg Opinion Piece

Ever seen those glow up articles where they compare actors and actresses at ‘low points’ to being completely hot. It is really bothersome because all body shapes, sizes and the way a person looks regardless of disability should be widely accepted and considered beautiful. Yennefer had the biggest glow up: Transforming from an naive hunchback to a beautiful bitch. I want to talk about a unexpected favourite: Yennefer of Vengerberg. The Netflix version.

She is a powerful mage. She was sold to a witch for four pieces of gold. The witch takes Yennefer to her school to teach her the art of magic and witchcraft. She encounters a warlock and somewhat becomes enamoured with him. She realises she’s being used and tossed aside and decides to go for a magic operation which gets rid of her hunchback and turns her into a beautiful mage but at the cost of her fertility. Over the years, she feels her talents wasted in kingly courts and goes on a journey to reclaim her fertility and reverse the operation while still remaining beautiful.

Yennefer is played by Anya Chalotra and she does amazing job. She helps elevate the essence of Yennefer and I would have loved if Yennefer was more of a bitch. I don’t know how but I want more. Yennefer is a fascinating character. Her story is one of challenges. Not a lot of people consider her as strong and when she has her glow up, all eyes are on her. She’s selfish but the portrayal is done well. In other media types, when people go through a transformation, they still have their humility which is nice but overrrated. Seeing Yennefer go through a transformation and owning it. Still wanting to hold on to it while trying to reverse the costs was satisfying to see. Sure it justifies an argument that you can only be noticed if you’re pretty but the show does that well for Yennefer.

It shows the consequences of beauty and Yennefer tries to reverse that. Which is refreshing to see. It’s part of the reason why I’m now starting to appreciate and enjoy her story. This fondness came out of nowhere and I’m glad. Although the one thing that bothers me about her character, is the desire of being a mother. I can kinda understand why and she explains it herself. She wanted to be important to someone. So a child will help Yennefer feel valued. Now that I think about it, it could also be because Yennefer wants a childhood. I think Yennefer’s life has treated her rough, especially having the hunchback. A child that’s made from her, her genes is a symbol of Yennefer. Yennefer can live vicariously through that child. So I think I now get it.

The orgy scene and her conjuring an imaginary audience, while she’s having sex are forms of validation for her body and herself. Similarly having a child is validation for Yennefer to feel good about herself. Geralt sees through this and points out to Yennefer that it doesn’t matter because Geralt accepts her for who she is which makes me feel so happy whenever I see Yennefer and Geralt together. They know and understand each other so well. So I am now starting to feel even more love for Yennefer, which is why I love her story and character portrayal. I am anxious to see her in season two.

Batman Arkham Asylum Review

Hello! Welcome to crazy land! A new place and we have taken over this blog. No one can stop us! The Writer! Ha! As if they could stop us. You wanna know a little secret. I know who the real writer is. It’s not this person. It’s – What’s that? The Writer has broken in! How dare they! We have to stop them. *Commotion*. Peace has now been restored. With a new possible batman game featuring the court of owls. I am back and this time we’re writing about the first installment of the Arkham series.

Arkham Asylum starts with Batman, having captured the Joker and taking him to Arkham Asylum, on an island. Joker’s been clever and planned an island overthrow and the bad guys are roaming around the island with more control. Batman has to try and get to Joker through a series of puzzles and villain boss fights to defeat the Joker. Stringing together Joker’s ultimate plan.

The game was thoroughly enjoyable to play through. The action was great and I enjoyed kicking ass. The set up was terrible. I don’t have an XBOX 360 controller and it wouldn’t let me connect a PS3 or PS4 controller. So I had to struggle with mouse and keyboard. It was a nightmare with mouse keyboard, especially trying to fight the bad guys. I was unable to figure out the dodge until half way through the boss battle with Bane where it was double shift. So the tutorial aspect for the keyboard was bad. I assume the game only works well on console so they don’t bother helping with keyboard controls. Sometimes the keyboard controls would go in an opposite direction so I do feel keyboard calibration is not recommended. Which is a bummer.

I died a lot, during and not during the boss battles. It was frustrating but I did definitely have satisfaction when finally defeating the boss battles. The character models looked amazing and the scenery was awesome. It was an enjoyable plot and felt like a typical Batman film. The scarecrow game plays were the best because it took me from a different scenario to a 2D kind of platform game like Mario. It was pretty cool and unique.

The game direction was often confusing i.e. after you completed something, it wasn’t clear where to go next and I would go to one room and end up running a lot of the time to get to the other right room. The riddles were challenging and I admit, I had to use a tutorial to find most of them. The ending did disappoint. In terms of plot, it was pretty awesome but game play wise it was awful. I hadn’t even gotten all the riddles before I did the final boss battle. After the fight with joke, I checked my game percentage and saw it was about 70%. I thought I had finished the game but it turns out I needed to get all the riddles for the 100%. That really annoyed me and I felt it would have been more satisfying if it gave an indication to complete all the side quests before you go ahead with the final boss battle.

Batman looked pretty awesome and the gadgets were awesome. So it worked well, in terms of design and plot. The game fell short in game play so I recommend for the plot and perhaps some of the action game play. Just have a controller, because it is a nightmare to play the game with mouse and keyboard.

Witcher (Season 1) Review

It’s a new year! I feel like we should commemorate this blog by starting a little folk ditty:

Toss a pen to your Writer
O’ River of WordPress
O’ River of WordPress
O’
Toss a Pen to Your Writer
A friend of humanity

So I’m really excited to finally talk about the new series on Netflix: The Witcher! A show with a controversial start and an outstanding knockout blow.

The Witcher is based on a book series by Andrzej Sapkowski. Which was made into a popular video game series. Before finally landing on the big/small screens. This season follows three characters: Geralt of Rivia (Henry Cavill), Yennefer of Vengerberg (Anya Chalotra) and Cirilla of Cintra (Freya Allan). The plot is slightly convoluted becuase the time shifts aren’t clear but here is what I understand.

At the current moment, Cintra, a place in the Continent, has been taken over by another kingdom known as Nilfgaard. Cirilla is wanted by Nilfgaard she escapes Cintra to find Geralt of Rivia. The first six/seven episodes follow Geralt and Yennefer before the fall of Cintra. We see Geralt go around, hunting monsters and ‘befriending’ a bard called Jaskier (Joey Batey) Episode four is where you learn the connection between Geralt and Cirilla but the episodes initially pave Geralt’s character. Similarly Yennefer’s story is a coming of age/power story. She is this hunchback who decides to give up her womb and fertility for beauty. Which then comes at a cost.

I remember hearing about the news way back in 2018. Henry Cavill being in this role sounded great until the test footage came out. God! That test footage was awful. I thought the wig looked disgusting and Henry was going to be this terrible Witcher. A lot of people complained about the beard. I’ll admit I was one of those people. I really had low expectations that was until the teaser trailer came out and the test footage thanos’ed out of my mind. It looked way better and Henry Cavill was this badass monster hunter. I’ll admit the voice was a little bit funny but that line about evil:

Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling… Makes no difference. The degree is arbitary. The definition’s blurred. If I’m to choose between one evil and another… I’d rather not choose at all.

Was just cherry on the top! I was excited and I waited until the morning it came out. I watched the whole series on the release day and it was way better than I expected.

I mean in terms of the way Henry Cavill looked. He looked much better and badass. The voice really threw me off because it was strong and a lot of people said it sounds like Geralt from the video games. He created this strong relatable character that hums and grunts most of the time. Along with not giving a shit about politics and being a neutral ground. Just earning money and killing monsters.

Cirilla and Yennefer were cast really well and their stories were amazing. Especially Yennefer’s but I’ll talk about her in another post. The visual effects were stunning. Locations were beautiful and I really want to go to those places. The themes were strong and I was really impressed with the show’s strong feminisation. It is pro feminist with most of the powerful mages being women. Cintra’s own ruler is a badass woman who fights in her wars. I came across a quotation by Sapkwoski which resonated the tone the show was trying to go for:

Women are generally stronger than men. All power of this world should be in the hands of women.

It showed in the show and I was in love. The nudity was way toned, only for necessity rather than fanboy fantasy/sexualisation. It wasn’t overtly sexualised, especially in Yennefer’s moments. It was well balanced with fantastical elements and the CGI was well done. The show was much stronger in fantasy.

The show was an amazing watch. The only thing I felt was annoying was the constant comparison to Game of Thrones. Honestly the amount of people saying that this show was a less version was irritating. Game of Thrones is not the ultimate best fantastical show. It has faults by going with the ‘Nudity/Sex sells’ women are highly sexualised objects. The few episodes I watched were just boring. It justified marital rape. Khal Drogo rapes his wife and later on she falls in love with him. The Witcher has men treating women with respect and women being more powerful than men.

Notable mention to the soundtrack and Jaskier. Jaskier is one of the best things of the show. His comedic musicality bring lightness to the show. His relationship with Geralt is awesome. they have a Shrek and Donkey relationship which I see no difference on. The songs he sings are so catchy and addictive. Especially that from episode six. ‘Her Sweet Kiss’ is a strong almost heartbreaking song and ‘Toss a coin’ is a new ‘All Star’. The soundtrack captures the folk essence and it’s the only soundtrack I have in my playlist. Both with and without vocals.

I would definitely recommend this show. Sure it could work with the conveyance of timeline but overall it was thoroughly enjoyable. Highly feminist and great casting. I cannot wait for season two and see what goes on with Ciri, Geralt

 

The Boys: Homelander Opinion Piece

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s a psychopathic Superman, that’s heading this way to kill us. With laser eyes! RUN! What do you mean his name’s not Superman? Homelander? What kind of name is that?

So Homelander was the last character I thought, I’d write about. However, I now realise that he’s the most interesting character of all. His complexities are fascinating and he is a an absolute monster. No this is not going to be a ‘Homelander-is-right’ post. It’s going to be more about why he is an interesting character.

So Homelander is the leader of a super hero group called the Seven. They are a parody Justice League that fight crime for a price and as per to the instructions of their employers, Vought Industries. He was brought into one of their labs as a baby and injected with Nazi produced super serum that genetically enhances him to have superpowers. He grows up to be America’s idol or ‘God’. A manipulative selfish sociopath with a oedipal complex. A real disgusting pig.

In the TV show, he’s played by Antony Starr. He was a lead star in Banshee. Antony Starr was a great choice in playing Homelander. He was able to present creepiness and a high level of arrogance. Starr really brought the personality of Homelander, from the comics, to life.

Homelander seemed to first come across as this douchey asshole that was arrogant in the position he’s in. Yet it wasn’t until, episode four when I realised he was a sociopath. He let nearly hundred people die in a plane and also ‘raped’ Butcher’s wife. He killed his boss with laser eyes and left her baby to be an orphan. That’s just the murder. He does not care for anyone. He only cares for the brand he’s created for himself. Wanting to be a god. It’s this trait that really intrigued me.

It’s frightening because you see it in real life. World leaders like Donald Trump would be a lot worse if they had superpowers. They could literally destroy the world. So the TV Show amplifies our fear with Homelander. His characterisation really inspires me to want to stand up and be more aware of how to change the world for the better. Homelander’s evilness is what makes me want to be better and stronger.

Which is why Homelander is an interesting character. I cannot wait to find out about season two and more about what he did with Billy Butcher’s wife. Also more on his backstory because he’s the only character to not have a mention to a backstory.

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Review

Did you know that every time a bell rings, a writer gets their quill pen to their page and the write? You didn’t. Well the bell has rung and I am here with my quill to write another review. This time on a Christmas classic: It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s close to Christmas and I snuggled in my blanket to watch this film.

The plot follows George Bailey. A hard worker, doting father and loving husband. A beloved community figure who helped provide houses for everyone in his community and sacrificed his own dreams to help others move on and grow their lives. He’s this amazing man, who loses all on one night. Dejected he is about to kill himself when an angel named Clarence rescues him. George expresses he wished he’d left his hometown. Which has Clarence show George an alternate reality, where George does not exist. Distraught, George becomes appreciative of his current life and celebrates Christmas.

It’s a heart warming plot as you see this amazing person give up everything to help everyone else. It’s filmed very well and I saw this film in colour. I felt the colour version brought the film to life but the black and white version is a special classic art. It is more enjoyable with and without colour. The cast look gorgeous and to be honest, not knowing the celebrity well allowed me to absorb the moral of the story more. It was adorable and I cried towards the end.

It was built up perfectly and every moment was necessary to the plot. George and Mary Hatch were a symbol of healthy relationships. I do admit the scene with Mary’s robe being tugged by George was a little awkward but their beginning scene as kids was just adorable. Mary promising to love George forever and him not hearing it was just the cherry on top. The film does raise an interesting conundrum and theory I believe, which is: Is Clarence wrong?

I really want to answer this question but I feel it would go off on a tangent on discussing this film. So next post will probably be the theory that George is right and Clarence is wrong. All in all, the film was adorable to watch. It had great scenery and a captivating story. A definite watch, especially at Christmas. So go ahead watch it. Happy Holidays!

The Boys (General Review)

Alright you cunts, let’s get this shit show on the road and destroy the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Honestly I’ve had enough of those superheroes who think they’re entitled fucks! Come on sunshine, you need to realise that superheroes are the real killers.

How was that as Billy Butcher? No. Okay well it fits for today’s post because I’m talking about The Boys. I have waited since last July for this series and I have recently gotten round to just watching it.

The story follows Hughie (Jack Quaid). His girlfriend has died at the hands of a superhero and he is approached by Billy Butcher (Karl Urban). Butcher is the leader of a vigilante/somewhat CIA group, The Boys. He is responsible for trying to get superheroes to pay for the crimes so Butcher convinces Hughie to help him go up against Vought Industries. A multi-national corporation that manages and owns superheros. A Justice League equivalent: The Seven.

There is a lot to unpack for this show and can I first off, say that I fucking loved this show. The plot was strongly conveyed and it has made me have a different outlook on superheroes. Sure other films, have lightly touched upon the issue that superheroes are more destructive than protective. (Batman V Superman and Captain America Civil War). This show truly unveils a dark side to superheroes and I thoroughly appreciate that. A refreshing outlook. This show is definitely needed for current society which is obsessed with superheroes and multi-national corporations.

The dangers of global companies and it’s influence hits too close to home. Everything is a facade and Vought industries may as well be the fictional version of Amazon. The world would get scarier if Amazon started genetically enhancing babies to have superheroes and then loaning them to countries in need of rescue. The characterisation is the best thing I have ever scene. Every single actor steals the show as their characters: Billy Butcher is ruthless as he stops at nothing to bring the end to superheroes. Hughie becomes more confident and vicious. It’s strongly conveyed and The Seven.

The Seven are a parallel to the Justice League:

Homelander – Superman

A Train – The Flash

Black Noir – Batman

The Deep – Aquaman

Queen Maeve – Wonder Woman

Lamplighter – Green Lantern

Translucent – Martian Manhunter

The Seven are ruthless. Their individual stories cause conflicting emotions in you. Like you want to kill them but you can’t help feel sorry about them. Don’t even get me started on Homelander! The only superhero I respect is Starlight (Erin Moriarty). She is the real superhero that deserves my worship and respect. I love her characterisation, especially when I’ve read that in the comics she is a sexual play toy for the male members of the Seven. She is a much stronger character now and I have to praise the actor and writers for that.

The themes are strong and the show deals with modern day issues like sexual assault and drug abuse, in a strong and somewhat healthy way. The visuals are amazing. I have a tad issue with the story line of Butcher’s wife but maybe that will be answered in season two. The show is completely dark. It’s like the violence of Game of Thrones meets the dark humour of South Park. I haven’t read the comic books which I’ve heard are the epitome of dark content. I honestly cannot wait for series two. I definitely recommend watching this series for the themes of anti-superhero and corporation influence.

Hitman (2016) Review

Hey! Over here. Duck! We have to talk quietly. We’re going to kill the writer. I can kill them with anything. I’m a hitman. *Places hands on your neck* By the way I am the writer. I’m wearing a clever disguise. I won’t snap your neck. I want to tell you about a training process, I went through. It’s Hitman. This ‘game’ helped me become an expert level killer.

The plot, I found has no coherent story. It’s a go in, murder and get out which I really like. It’s basically a Hitman assassin simulator. Letting you fulfill your desires in 101 ways to kill. The missions are fun to play and my favourite mission has to be the World of Tomorrow Mission. You can dress up as a priest, a plague doctor or a jester and kill people secretly or openly.

I like the lack of direction in this game because it gives you free reign to choose ways to kill people and the world exploration is fun to do. I basically get a holiday without having to leave my house. The game play is easy to understand and easy to control. The graphics are amazing and realistic. I thoroughly enjoyed the game. Sometimes the game was a little bit janky. I’d really like the opportunity to do funny things like eat an ice cream or make sandcastles. Overall it was fun game to play and I’d recommend the game to see how you can kill people in many different ways and dressed in different costumes. The more ridiculous the better.

You (General Review)

Well, hello. Who are you? A question we should all ask ourselves. What are you doing here? Judging from this person’s blog, you’re here to search for a valid opinion on media or you’re here to judge this author on their terrible writing. Whatever it is, something brought you here. So let’s explore this together.

Why did you come for this post? It’s series dedicated to you. You, the hopeless romantic. You have a darker side to love. A toxic side. You know what it’s like to obsess over someone. Someone who could never possibly be yours but you dream it. You dream of a house, with them. Sex with them. Kids with them. So you search them on social media. You eliminate the bad influences in their lives because deep down you know they’re not good for them.

You follow Joe. You follow his obsession with Guinevere Beck. His willingness to go above and beyond for her. Killing. You sympathise with him because Joe is your story. Your possibility of what if it does happen? What if you do find the one? Do you pursue them healthily? Do you obsess over them? How far are you willing to go? How long before you embrace your darker side? You find the truth in Joe’s story. You’ll uncover the truth because there’s a reason you came here. You wanted to be frightened, shaken to your soul. You have come to the right place.

You have made the choice and you now must face it. Or embrace it. It’s for you.

In all seriousness, the show is really addictive. The plot is stretched well. There’s enough mystery and tension. Well developed relatable characters that make you question your morals. Seriously I tried to remind myself that he’s still a stalker and murderer, regardless of being handsome and nice he is. The show is well shot and told, I am anxious for season two. I definitely recommend the show. Just make sure to be aware that this is not a true romantic depiction. It’s a doomed abusive toxic love and I appreciate the show for not romanticising it as a normal relationship. (I’d love to have seen it gone down a route where everything works out and they’re together, despite him being a socipath). It’s a great show to watch.